GLOW

It's been in the 90's here for the past few weeks, and since we live in a 100 year old (+) home, we only have two rooms in the apartment air-conditioned with window units. The kitchen is not one of those rooms, so our bananas have been getting spotted and spoiled before the tips even turn yellow. We had four big ones that were so ripe yesterday that they were falling out of their skins, so banana bread seemed essential. 

There are a great deal of gluten-free, vegan, even sugar-free muffin recipes out there, but I didn't want to have to go and buy ingredients that I didn't already have on hand. (Again, the heat doesn't make walking to the store for two items sound very appealing.) I modifed this nongluten-free recipe with my own alternative ingredients. Unlike most of my previous posts (okay, perhaps unlike any of my previous posts), this does contain sugar. Lots of sugar. I would have preferred to forgo that, but figuring out how to translate the recipe using only stevia wasn't something I felt like tackling.

It's been a little while since I've come up with a new baked item, so I am very very happy and grateful that these turned out so perfectly on the first try. They are perfectly moist, neither too fluffy or too dense, with the perfect crumb, in my opinion. I don't have a loaf pan, so I used my giant muffin pan instead. These are deep deep muffins, probably as tall as a full loaf would be. Currently, I am stupidly full, uncomfortably full, because I insisted on finishing two of these behemoths in quick succession. Though I will be happy if you love these enough to want to eat that much immediately, I hope you will use a bit more discretion than I. Basically I'm saying that if you want or need to keep your pants buttoned and zipped, don't do it.

If you add icing to the top of these, it would easily pass as a cupcake. Have at it.

The milk I used for this recipe is raw and homemade. I'll include the recipe for it below if you are interested in using it. It's very simple.

BANANA BREAD (GLUTEN-FREE, VEGAN)

YOU'LL NEED A PAN. A LOAF PAN, MINI LOAF PAN, MUFFIN PAN, OR GIANT MUFFIN PAN. I AM GOING TO BE ENTIRELY UNPROFFESSIONAL AND ONLY BE ABLE TO TELL YOU HOW MANY GIANT MUFFINS YOU CAN MAKE (4). YOU'LL HAVE TO EYE-BALL IT OTHERWISE.

1/2 CUP COCONUT OIL (If you're making this in a season other than summer, or don't live near the Equator, warm your oil until soft. All others use at room temperature.)

1 CUP BROWN SUGAR

2 CUPS MASHED OVER-RIPE BANANAS (approximately 4 bananas)

2 LARGE EGGS IF NOT VEGAN, OTHERWISE, 3 TBS FLAXMEAL, 1/2 TBS ARROWROOT STARCH & 5 TBS WARM WATER MIXED & ALLOWED TO SIT UNTIL THICKENED

1 TSP VANILLA EXTRACT

1 1/4 CUP MILLET FLOUR

1/2 CUP RICE FLOUR

1/4 GLUTEN-FREE QUICK COOKING OATS

1 TSP BAKING SODA

3/4 TSP SEA SALT

1/4 TSP CINNAMON, 1/4 TSP NUTMEG

1/8 TSP GROUND CLOVE

1/4 CUP VEGAN MILK (SEE BELOW FOR THE RAW CASHEW & BRAZIL NUT MILK I USED)

1/2 TBS APPLE CIDER VINEGAR

PREHEAT OVEN TO 350 DEGREES.

CREAM SUGAR AND OIL IN A LARGE BOWL. ADD MASHED BANANAS, MIX. ADD EGGS OR EGG SUBSTITUTE ABOVE, MIX. ADD VANILLA, MIX AGAIN.

IN A SEPARATE, SMALLER BOWL, MIX THE FLOUR, BAKING SODA, SEA SALT & SPICES WITH A WHISK. ADD DRY TO WET AND THOROUGHLY MIX. ADD THE APPLE CIDER VINEGAR INTO THE MILK, MIX & ADD IT TO THE BATTER. STIR UNTIL JUST MIXED.

GREASE YOUR PAN WITH COCONUT OIL, AND BAKE APPROXIMATELY 40-45 MINUTES. I'D CHECK AFTER 20 MINUTES IN ORDER TO GAUGE THE PACE OF YOUR OVEN. INSERT A KNIFE, AND WHEN IT COMES OUT CLEAN, TAKE THEM/IT OUT OF THE OVEN, COOL THE PAN ON A WIRE RACK FOR ABOUT TEN MINUTES, THEN DUMP THEM/IT ONTO THE WIRE RACK AND ALLOW THEM TO COOL FURTHER. OR NOT. I TEND TO BE IMPATIENT, AND SPLIT THEM OPEN ONTO A PLATE SO THAT I CAN EAT THEM SOONER. 

RAW CASHEW & BRAZIL NUT MILK

1/2 CUP RAW CASHEWS (ROUGHLY)

1/2 CUP RAW BRAZIL NUTS (ROUGHLY)

DROP THE NUTS INTO THE BLENDER PITCHER & FILL UP THE PITCHER WITH (IDEALLY) FILTERED WATER UP TO THE 4 1/2 CUP MARK. (IF YOU WANT THIS TO BE CREAMIER, REDUCE THE WATER.) SOAK FOR AT LEAST 2 HOURS, THEN BLEND UNTIL SMOOTH. (I USUALLY USE THE "ICE BREAKER" MODE ON THE BLENDER SINCE THE BRAZIL NUTS ARE SO HARD.) GRAB A STRAINER AND A DEEP BOWL THAT THE STRAINER CAN SIT UPON (THIS IS WHAT I PREFER, ANYWAY). POUR THE MILK THROUGH THE STRAINER A BIT AT A TIME, USING A SPOON OR SOMESUCH TO SCRAPE THE FINE NUTS ASIDE TO ALLOW THE MILK TO DRAIN THROUGH.

FOR THE ABOVE RECIPE, I USED THE MILK AS IS, NO SWEETENER.

FOR THE MILK THAT YOU DON'T USE IN THE ABOVE RECIPE, USE A FUNNEL TO POUR IT FROM THE BOWL INTO A JAR OR PITCHER OF YOUR CHOICE. I SWEETENED MINE WITH A BIT OF STEVIA, AND ADDED SOME VANILLA EXTRACT, BUT IT IS FLAVORFUL ENOUGH ON ITS OWN.

YOU CAN USE WHAT IS LEFT IN THE STRAINER FOR OTHER BAKING PROJECTS, OR YOU COULD MIX THEM WITH COCONUT BUTTER, MAKE LITTLE BALLS, ROLL THEM IN COCONUT, CHOCOLATE SHAVINGS OR THE LIKE, AND CHILL FOR A DESSERT. OR WHATEVER ELSE SUITS YOUR FANCY. I WOULD USE THE MIXTURE WITHIN 2 OR 3 DAYS, THE MILK AS WELL.

I've been excited to try this recipe since the weekend, and have had some kiwis next to the blueberries in the freezer since then in anticipation. Today I picked up an avocado at the market, and I just finished enjoying this delicious treat. They made their's a lovely, fancy swirl, but I'm into food being as easy as possible to prepare these days, so I just mixed it all together in the food processor, and used raw agave nectar instead of the stevia that they suggest. Mm!

I don't really care so much for baking these days. After two years of spending so much time in the kitchen, the more simple the preparation, the happier I am. So when I set about finding a good chocolate frosting recipe, I was disappointed by either the number of ingredients in most, or simply the fact that I didn't have the ingredients on hand. I decided to try making one myself with an avocado base, which I knew would make it deliciously creamy and thick. Avocado works great in dessert recipes, although I am very partial to ones where the avocado doesn't become warmed. I find that when warmed, the more savory flavor of the avocado peaks out a bit too much. So wait for your cake to cool before spreading on the frosting. Even better, chill it in the fridge for a bit. (I found that this tasted even better the following day, with both the cake and frosting chilled.) This would also be delicious sandwiched between macaroons, filled into a crust for a delicious mousse tart, a dip for fresh strawberries, or one of your favorite raw desserts.

If the cake recipe that I used doesn't appeal to you, here are some other options to consider:

If you are making a layer cake, double the frosting recipe.

Do you have a favorite gluten-free cake recipe?

2 RIPE AVOCADOS, PITTED AND DICED

1/2 CUP RAW AGAVE NECTAR (Try maple syrup, coconut nectar or another favorite if you prefer)

1/4 CUP COCOA POWDER

1 TSP ALMOND EXTRACT

VANILLA TO TASTE (I used about 3/4 vanilla powder, though I'm not sure how that converts to extracts)

SEA SALT TO TASTE (optional)

PLACE ALL INGREDIENTS IN FOOD PROCESSOR, AND PROCESS UNTIL FULLY MIXED AND SMOOTH.

One of the most frustrating things for me about having seizures is the feeling that I am very limited in my holistic treatment options. For the first time in a long while, I have gladly surrendered to the medications prescribed to me by my neurologist, and though I haven't worked up to a dosage yet that can stop my seizures, I am already noticing a difference in my energy level, and feel optimistic. It is difficult, though, to deal with the fear of possibly losing health insurance in the future and losing my medication, or the possibility that eventually the effects of the medication will plateau, and I will have to begin the frightening process of accumulating more prescriptions to ensure a certain quality of life. It is not an option for me to continue to have seizures every day, multiple times a day, and to be so limited in my activities and mobility. But with all of the potential side-effects and concerns, I want to be sure that I do what I can to complement the treatments I receive from my doctors.

I find YouTube to be an excellent source for introductions into the various experiences of others with trying health problems, and introductions into the treatments that have worked for them. They are only this: introductions, and as with all information distributed on the internet, should be watched with a critical mind. But I find that they give me some sense of optimism. As far as natural treatments I have currently incorporated into my life, I try to drink a tea blend of skullcap and passionflower every day, and have begun energy work with a psychic medium per the recommendation from another person with epilepsy whose seizures stopped completely after energy work. I am planning on visiting a chiropractor as well, and hope that this will help.

Here are some of the videos that I've watched that I've found compelling and informative. Perhaps they will help you, as well.

This is an excellent overview of natural treatment options. I was pleasantly surprised to find that their knowledge of research into more rare forms of epilepsy is quite impressive, and even more thorough than many neurologists. I had to be referred to a highly specialized neurologist, in fact, to be able to work with someone who was actually aware of the hormonal-related forms.

The two other ladies that I know with epilepsy also do their best to avoid gluten. I have been on a gluten-free diet for at least two years now. I wonder how much worse the seizures would be if I was still eating it?

This is where I learned about skullcap and passionflower's beneficial impact on epilepsy, although this video is specifically about a form of epilepsy that I am not familiar with.

If you look up "epilepsy chiropractor" on YouTube, a ton of results come up with testimonials like this. I'm very curious to see if I have any results from it.

And the ever controversial issue of epilepsy and medical marijuana. There are so many stories out there like this young man's. I, unfortunately, do not respond well to smoking any sort of substance, as it really fires of my nervous system regardless of the substance, but if I am able to get my hands on a tincture, I will eagerly try it. From what I've read, it is important to have the Indica (sp?) strain rather than the Sativa when it comes to treating epilepsy.

As noted in the first video, neither these people, nor I, am advocating weening off of meds. Epilepsy is a serious disorder, and should be treated appropriately. What is important, though, is to find the highest quality of life possible, and if any of these options aid that, then they are worth a go in my mind. 

Have you had any experiences with these treatments, or any others?

I find the term "slaw" to be one of the most unappetizing sounding words,  probably because coleslaw is one of the most unappetizing dishes, so I apologize for not being able to come up with a more creative name for this, or perhaps you will thank me for lending it a new, entirely appetizing association. This dish is so delicious, and has become such a staple in my diet, that I feel compelled to emerge from my nearly permanent hiatus on this blog to share it with you. It is exceptionally easy to make (as most raw food is), and the most exotic ingredient in it, really, is the kale. I hope that you try it, and love it as much as I do. (I just polished off my third bowl in two days.)

I like to make this big batch, and keep the leftovers in the refrigerator for easy meals. This is even more excellent after chilling in the fridge, especially the next day, so I highly recommend it. Feel free to cut it in half, though, if you only have a smaller amount of the ingredients on hand. This is a versatile recipe, so eyeballing the amount of vegetables is okay. If using the cashews instead of the sunflower seeds, the salad will be lent almost a Waldorf salad sort of taste, so feel free to run with that and add some grapes and walnuts, too!

ABOUT 8 LARGE RED RUSSIAN KURLY KALE LEAVES (approximate if your bunch includes a variety of sizes. This could be about 3/4 of a bunch, depending.)

8 BRUSSEL SPROUTS

2 LARGE OR 4 SMALL APPLES, PREFERABLY GALA OR PINK LADY

2 CUPS RAW SUNFLOWER SEEDS, OR RAW CASHEWS

JUICE OF 2 LEMONS

SPLASH OF APPLE CIDER VINEGAR (RAW, WITH THE MOTHER!), OR ABOUT 1 TBS

1/2-1 TBS RAW AGAVE NECTAR (if using cashews instead of sunflower seeds, omit the agave, as the cashews are naturally quite sweet)

ABOUT 1 CUP WATER

SEA SALT TO TASTE

POUR THE SEEDS OR NUTS INTO A FOOD PROCESSOR AND GRIND UNTIL FINE. (I USUALLY LET IT RUN UNTIL I'M DONE PREPARING THE VEGETABLES.) WASH THE KALE, BRUSSEL SPROUTS & APPLES. DESTEM THE KALE AND TEAR IT INTO SMALL PIECES. LOP THE ENDS OF THE BRUSSEL SPROUTS OFF, AND CUT THIN SLICES ACROSS THE WIDTH OF THE SPROUT AS FAR AS POSSIBLE. SLICE LENGTHWISE ONCE YOU CAN'T HOLD IT ANY LONGER WITHOUT CHOPPING OF YOUR FINGER TIPS. SLICE THE SIDES OF THE APPLE OFF OF THE CORE, AND THEN DICE THE FRUIT. MIX THE KALE, SPROUTS AND APPLE TOGETHER IN A LARGE BOWL. ONCE THE SEEDS OR NUTS ARE FINELY GROUND, WORK OUT ANY LUMPS WITH A FORK, AND MIX IN THE REMAINING INGREDIENTS. POUR OVER THE VEGETABLES AND MIX VERY THOROUGHLY. I FIND A ROUNDED SPATULA TO BE BEST FOR THIS STEP, AS IT HELPS TO MIX UP THE SAUCE THAT POOLS AT THE BOTTOM OF THE BOWL BEST. SERVE IMMEDIATELY OR CHILL FOR MORE FLAVORFUL RESULTS.

It has been a long while since my thoughts have turned to this space, and for the most part I am grateful for that. 2009 & 2010 required me to spend most of my days researching what I could eat, planning what to eat, shopping for that food, cooking and experimenting in the kitchen, and finally, eating. My health was such, and my food sensitivities so plenty, that this was necessary for a long while. In order to maintain some sense of sanity, I looked upon it as a creative task, and often a spiritual task. I would work slowly, thoughtfully, often listening to Alan Watts or some sort of meditative music, and trying to focus my whole being on healing. This, naturally, gave me little time and energy for my true creative loves, and that, naturally, left me feeling unsatisfied. Come 2011, for the most part, my gut has healed enough, and my knowledge base is steady enough that my diet has become more low-maintenance. This is all relative, of course, and I still have to bring food with me to dinner parties and on trips, but it is all down to more or less of a manageable routine. Even more than this, however, is the fact that this year I have sadly discovered that diet & herbalism can not heal everything. I have gotten to a point where I have learned to control everything I can, and the rest is out of my hands. So that, dear friends, has been the reason why you have not found me here.

I find a great deal of spiritual guidance from the symbols in the Tarot. In a workbook of mine, it has a numerological formula for finding which card represents the year you are in now. At the end of 2010, when I added up the numbers and found that the Hanging Man was the card for 2011, I was crestfallen. I felt momentum, I felt anticipation, I felt, more than anything else, a feeling that there was absolutely no way in hell I could handle another year without answers, with chronic pain and illness, and all of the crap that comes with it. The Hanging Man traditionally represents many things that I was ready to welcome, the consequences of your actions coming to fruition (both positive and negative) for example, but it also represents surrender, sacrifice, a period of inactivity, a recognition of the negative things that we might be hung up on. (See more here.) I thought that I already lived that. And I also thought that when I was diagnosed with Lupus in May, after almost a decade without answers and 4 months of the most extreme fatigue I'd had in years, that the card had been proved irrelevant. I would get on a raw diet, I would try Plaquenil, and I would start regaining my life back.

Summer passed, my fatigue became worse, I became extremely sensitive to sun and light, I would have bouts of numbness and inability to speak or move, and I had started to get these "ticks" as I called them, which were mild shakes and movements of my head that embarrassed me quite a bit, and so I told no one of them. 

But in August, when meeting with my new rheumatologist, during an appointment which was the most thorough and lengthy I had thus far with any doctor, I was told that I in fact did not have Lupus, that my auto-immune issues, while present in Sjogren's and Raynaud's, were mild according to my blood work, and that instead, he thought it very likely that I had a mild form of Epilepsy. I was shocked. So happy was I to have a doctor who finally cared and listened, but so helpless did I feel to know that I was starting from scratch again, with a suggested diagnosis that seemed so far from anything I had conceived. I thought of the year so far. I had only regressed. I was weak and without answers. The Hanging Man seemed relevant again. I tried to pay attention to the lessons I could learn from it.

The next day, while having ten vials of blood drawn for tests ordered by my rheumatologist, I blacked out momentarily, and fell into a violent and extended seizure for the first time in my life. I was absolutely terrified. I could not make this stop with a cup of tea. I could not prevent this from happening by avoiding carrots or capsaicin. This was happening in my brain, and I had no control.

Four months later, the seizures have become a regular part of my life. These "ticks" as I once called them come in varied forms, are usually fleeting, but almost always near the surface, just begging for a trigger to send it over the edge. Complications with insurance have delayed tests and doctors visits, and made for a very frightening autumn with some more severe episodes, but this month I will finally have the EEGs and appointments I've needed, and I am feeling like change may finally be at my doorstep. 

One of the most challenging lessons that I've had to learn, and continue to learn, is the necessity of asking for help, and for properly articulating my needs to those around me. This is a daily challenge, and you'd think that with something like a seizure that it would be pretty straight-forward and obvious that help is required, but this has not been easy for me. I am sharing all of these details of my life with you now for two main reasons: to tell those that are friends and family members to me that I need you, and that I am so grateful to you for how you have taken care of me and taught me that it is okay to be helpless sometimes, and to tell those of you that I don't know that it is absolutely okay for you to advocate for yourself. Are your doctors not listening to you? Do research, work with your insurance company, and get a new one. That one doesn't work, either? Get a new one. Make phone calls, get letters written so that you can see those specialists that aren't in your insurance network. Call your friends and family, and be honest with them about what is going on, and be patient and accept their honesty when it is not easy for them either. Sometimes we can make the mistake of assuming that our needs are obvious, but everyone handles trials differently, so communication is key. Most of all, know that it isn't your fault when you can't make it go away. By changing my diet and learning about herbalism, I rid myself of chronic migraines, decades of IBS troubles, seasonal allergies, and a number of other pains and difficulties. I am so grateful for those improvements. But we have to accept sometimes the humbling power of disease. It is a teacher, it is the alchemist's flame, it is, at times, completely out of our control. 

I hope that this year, which for me is represented by the Death card of the Tarot (which is the bringer of rebirth, the (sometimes painful) shedding of those things that no longer serve us), will bring healing and positive, cathartic change for those of us in need of it. My love to all those who are similarly struggling, have so in the past, or may in the future.